Lose Control
by Rubix84
Summary: A small exploration of Rae and Finn's first time...
1. Chapter 1

**A/N For all you dear anons who requested Rae and Finn's first time fics here we go… This has put up a bit of fight, I've deleted, rewritten, and deleted again so I will let you lot be the judges of the final product. Some bits I like, some bits just would not play ball!**

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There should be a road map for life, or at the very least a bloody pamphlet,

filling you in on the stuff you really should be clued up on. Instead you are expected to stumble through life with only the wishy washy advice from people who know little more about stuff than you do yourself.

Take sex for example, and the cliché 'you don't have to do anything until you're ready' speech you get from the bumbling teacher giving the sex education class that day. Right, fine, great, but how the fuck do you know when you are ready? Nobody seems to have an answer for that.

Chloe just sighed dreamily, "you jus' know Rae."

Izzy giggled, "are you and Finn, you know?!" she smiled, eyes wide.

"No!" Rae shook her head, feeling a blush creep up her neck, "I jus' wondered how did y' know you were ready?"

"Me and Chop haven't done it yet," Izzy confided in a girlish whisper, "we're waiting, so it'll be special."

Rae attempted to cover her surprise at this news, but this led her to another of those annoying clichés. What was supposed to happen to make that first time special? Would she have to go out and bulk-buy candles and rose petals? Sure it was nice to fantasise about, but in reality?

She could hardly go back to the library to look for information there, not with that nosy cow reporting everything back to her mother. Rae shuddered at the imagined argument with her Mum, a conversation that would probably end up with her being grounded under lock and key so that she didn't end up doing something that she might regret and end up breaking again.

She wondered about talking to Kester. They talked at length about most other things including Finn, but she never seemed to be able to squeeze the words out. 'Am I ready for sex?' Even thinking them made her feel stupid.

She didn't know why, maybe safety in numbers, but when she finally plucked up the courage to speak to Finn about it, they were sitting together in a corner of the pub. "Finn," she began, she'd never felt so nervous but she needed to know, "how did you know you were ready, y'know the first time you…?"

Finn almost spat out the mouthful of beer he had just gulped down. "You what?" he asked rubbing the back of his hand over his mouth.

"Never mind," Rae felt too embarrassed to repeat her question, she couldn't believe she'd asked it in the first place. Finn plopped his drink back down on the table, pulling his cigarette from behind his ear and lighting it. He dragged in a lung full, watching as the white smoke unfurled from his mouth as he exhaled. "Erm," he started shakily, shrugging his shoulders. His first time had been kinda weird, neither of them had known what they were doing, but everybody else was doing it so… "I don't know, it jus' sorta happened" he answered honestly. They sat there in silence for a few moments, Rae cursing herself for asking. She didn't want to think about Finn with other (prettier, sexier) women.

The night it finally happened was inconspicuous enough. Finn had come over to Rae's house to listen to some new tunes. When he had arrived at her front door Rae felt her breath catch, he was devastating to look at, even more so than usual. His hair was slightly mussed from where he had pulled his helmet off, his black leather jacket covered a grey t-shirt beneath, and as she followed him up the stairs to her bedroom, she thanked the heavens as her eyes were drawn to the fit of his jeans.

As they had fallen into the habit of doing, 'listening to tunes' quickly turned into an epic make-out session. When you find yourself in a tangle of arms and legs, closer to someone than you've ever been before in your life, tongue caressing tongue, breath mingling with breath, touch mirroring touch at what point do you decide just to give it all up to that other person.

That night for Rae it was the sure knowledge that there was nobody she would trust more than Finn to guide her on her path to womanhood. Also there was a moment when Finn's hand drifted just that little further up her thigh than normal, which pretty much sealed the deal for her.

Some how Finn held onto his senses and had begun to pull away. Instinctively Rae fisted his t-shirt in her hand keeping him close, murmuring "don't stop." The words dissolving into the air around them seemed to have the exact opposite effect she had desired as Finn pulled sharply back as if stung, "you wha'?" he asked. "Don't stop," she repeated quietly, almost just mouthing the words so that they ghosted across her lips. She swallowed down the bubbling fear of rejection. "I don't want you stop," she repeated again trying to make sure she was being clear.

Rae watched as some cloud of emotion passed over Finn's face, too quick for her to pinpoint, he caught her lips with his for a gentle kiss. "Are – are you sure?" Rae tugged at his t-shirt pulling him back towards her, kissing him deeply. He returned her kiss, passionately pouring everything he would like to say into it.

Piece by piece articles of clothing were gradually removed and flung forgotten to the floor. Rae had closed her eyes tightly as Finn had peeled her trousers from her, exposing her scars. She fought the urge to cover them with her hands as he had soothed and reassured her with sweet kisses and muttered words. Hands and mouths discovered and explored previously uncharted territories. Finn had carefully guided her when she had whispered into his ear that she didn't know what she was doing.

In the end it had been messy, with a lot of awkward fumbling and touching, and feelings of what the hell am I doing on Rae's part. But neither would have changed any of it for the world because for them, in that moment, it had been perfect.

Rae looked at Finn who was gently dozing next to her a small smile playing on his lips. His arms were wrapped tightly around her and Rae knew she could never have any regrets about what just happened. She would happily lose control with him over and over again.


	2. Chapter 2

Rae scowled as the first beams of sunlight slinked their way through her thin curtains. She looked at her clock; it was only 5.30 in the morning. She rubbed her eyes frustrated and rolled over gingerly in bed so as not to disturb the still slumbering Finn. She turned her face away from the intrusive glare of the breaking dawn and tried to shut her eyes tight against the impending day.

She had slept fitfully that night, as Finn had slept on beside her. The first time she had woken up she had had a minor freak out, when she realised she was still completely naked. The thought of Finn waking up and seeing her like this in the cold harsh light of day sent her into a frantic scurry to her chest of drawers to find a t-shirt to pull on. She had clambered back into bed, and almost as if by their own accord Finn's arms reached out to wrap themselves back around her, pulling her closer to him.

The next time she woke up she must have lain staring through the darkness at the ceiling for over half an hour. Beside her she could hear Finn breathing softly, he was lying on his front, one arm slung across her, his face half obscured by the pillow. Memories from a few hours previous played out in her head. The sights, the sounds, the smells. Her face grew hot as she remembered some of the noises, what it had felt like as Finn had guided her hand over his body, what she had experienced as Finn had caressed hers.

As the quiet darkness had stretched on into the early hours of the morning the tiptoeing insistence of Rae's insecurities crept upon her. When Finn rolled over in his sleep, releasing her from his hold she felt an unbearable coldness sweep over her. The stillness allowed her mind to wander and her memories and thoughts became twisted and gnarled as she began obsessing over every little detail of every little moment.

Rae glanced at the clock again as her room grew lighter from the bright morning sunshine, she sighed it was nearly six now. She could probably give up any hope of getting some more sleep now. A sound from her Mum's bedroom sent a jolt through her. Shit she hadn't even heard her Mum and Karim come back home last night. Did they know Finn was here? Rae tried to calm herself, if her Mum suspected she had a boy in here Rae was sure she would have known about it by now. As she lay there anxiously trying to dream up a plan for how she was going sneak Finn out, the noises from the next bedroom grew louder. Shit they were bloody shagging again.

Next to her Finn began to stir and stretch. Fuck. Rae quickly pulled the quilt up over their heads. She watched as Finn's eyes opened groggily, until they focused on her, a sleepy smile dancing on his face.

"Rae" he greeted her with a sort of reverence in his voice, then he frowned as he grew accustomed to his surroundings, "why are we under the duvet?"

"It's my Mum and Karim," Rae whispered apologetically.

"Huh?" Finn was confused, but then the muffled noises began to sink into his conscious. His smile grew wide as he bit his lower lip, "are they…?" He started laughing.

"Shush," Rae scolded him, but couldn't help but giggle along with him at the absurdity of the situation. She attempted to pull the cover tighter down over them to block out the sounds. Her momentary embarrassment about her Mum had taken the edge off her worries about Finn waking up next to her this morning, but as the laughter subsided she was suddenly very aware that her eyes had adjusted to the dull light under the duvet and that if she swept her gaze down towards her toes she would get a pretty good view of a very naked Finn. The intimacy of the situation hit her like a sledgehammer; she buried her face into the mattress as all the doubts that had troubled her in the dead of night came flooding back.

"Hey, Rae?" Finn whispered to her, "are – are you… okay?"

Rae turned her head to the side to look at him; she started off nodding her head, before switching it to a small shake. "I don't know," she whispered back. Finn shifted himself in the bed, tentatively reaching out to Rae, she allowed him to pull her close into his chest. She nestled her face against his neck, nuzzling her nose against the clammy skin, breathing in the scent. Here pressed against him, his hand caught running soothingly through her hair she felt braver.

"Rae?" she could feel the gulp as his Adam's apple bobbed up and down, "it - it was okay…wasn't it?" The realisation that Finn was just as nervous as her made Rae feel braver still. She gently tried nipping at his neck. "Rae," he gasped laughing, eyes widening.

"Shush," she admonished him again, with a smile, as she worked a line of small kisses along his jaw towards his mouth.

Silence fell over the house again as they lay there in their little cocoon. Faces close together, so that noses were almost touching, eyes communicating secret feelings, thoughts, and desires. Occasionally the need became so tangible that one of them would steal a kiss, and they would break apart each with a bashful smile, and a longing for more.

"Y'know we are gonna have to work out how the hell to sneak you out past my mother," Rae eventually admitted. Finn just looked at her through hooded eyes, and half laughed half smiled at her.


End file.
